I Love My Side of the Story Read online

“Josh!” I hold both my hands over my eyes, laughing. I peek through my fingers. “No real food then?”

  “Oh…uh…no. But we could go grab something…after?” He looks a little embarrassed, but covers it as he squeezes around my huge oak desk to get to me. He takes me by the hand to pull me up. Resistance is difficult.

  “Josh, honey. You’re very hot and I love the way you’re looking at me like you’re going to eat me alive, but I told you I have to work.” I say as gently as I can, which unfortunately sounds like a whine. Not at all attractive. I can’t help it! It’s like I’m talking to my dad all over again saying I don’t want to play softball. I want to do ballet. I don’t care if I’m too short for it! None of it sinks in.

  “You always have to work. Take a break,” he objects, sliding his arms around me and pressing me against him in a hug. I hug weakly back, hinting. I really want to make my point here, but he pulls out the big guns and leans down to kiss my ear. I hate that he knows my weakness.

  Seeing the open window, “Honey, seriously. All of New York can see us right now.”

  I feel the pressure of his hard-on in more ways than one as he looks over, grabs the pull cord and closes the blinds shut, kissing his way down my throat without missing a beat. “I’m a problem solver. Never had sex in your office before…”

  “That’s because it’s where I work,” I object, my eyes closing, my body leaning in to him despite myself.

  His fingers graze the soft flesh of my thighs. “Mmm, I love it when you wear skirts.”

  “I didn’t know you like that.” My mind is fighting him, but my body isn’t. Feeling the breath heat my neck, the strength of his shoulders as I wrap my arms around them, I relax and allow. I feel very feminine to his masculine.

  His fingers lightly trace circles onto my thighs just underneath the hem of my skirt. “I don’t just like it, Amber. I love it.” His voice is heavy and deep with arousal as he leaves my neck to look into my eyes and show me he means it. “Just like I love you.” His gaze is open and uninhibited. I smile and tell him I love him, too. He leans down and our lips connect, causing waves of sensations flowing through our bodies. As we kiss something ignites inside of us, the connection pure and filled with love and desire and the pride of ownership, of commitment. Our tongues dance and reach for happiness as I press my breasts against him, feel him wrap his arms around my ribs, pull me to him so that I can barely breathe. Raising my hands high in the air for him to pull my blouse off, only breaking our kiss for the time necessary for him to pull it over my head. We come together again as he tosses it behind him. The scent of him, the masculine erotic scent that always makes my legs wish they were open whenever he’s around, hits me and I feel my nipples harden immediately. They always give me away, and right now I want him to kiss them.

  “Lick my breasts, Josh, please,” I whisper. He pulls away from me in surprise.

  “You’ve never said that to me before.”

  I blink, slightly confused and wondering if I should be ashamed.

  “I haven’t? Okay… is that a problem?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? I love it.” He reaches around and with one twist unhooks my bra and unleashes my breasts. He looks at them with admiration, “You shred me, Amber. Do you know how much?” I shake my head a little as he takes one of them into his mouth. I push my pelvis into his chest and purr at the slipperiness of his tongue on my pointed pink nipple as he circles and licks the flesh around it. He takes it in his teeth and gives it a little nibble, drawing out a sexy moan from deep inside me. I run my fingers through his hair and arch my back to him, pressing against him harder.

  “That feels so good, Josh.” My talking turns him on even more and his mouth lunges and attacks my other breast, sending goosebumps down my legs from the sweet, firm pressure of his mouth, his kisses, his licks. Excited and encouraged, I moan into his ear, “I’m so wet Josh. Do you want to feel it?”

  “Oh man, you’re killing me, baby. Fuck yes, I want to feel it,” he says, and looks up at me from where he kneels at my bosom. “Tell me what to do, Amber.”

  Wow, ummm… okay. I smile, sticking my tongue out just a tad through my teeth as I order him, “Touch me…down there.” He smiles, reaches his hand up my skirt and touches me through my panties. He gives me light caresses and looks to me for more direction. I nod that I like what he’s doing. “Tear my panties off. Get rid of them for me, baby. I want to feel your fingers.”

  “Do you?” he asks, his eyes heating up more.

  “I do. So badly. Please touch me there.”

  “Say it. Say touch my pussy.”

  I giggle and think what a dirty boy I have for a boyfriend. “Okay…touch my pussy, Josh. Touch my super wet pussy and see how hot you make me when you look at me like that, and when we talk dirty.”

  “Oh God.” His eyes roll back in his head from disbelief and desire. He yanks off my panties as I hold onto his shoulders, his hand on my hip to hold me so I don’t fall from his roughness. His eyes slam up to mine as he touches the opening between my legs; the slippery pink place he knows is only for him. “You are soaking wet. So wet, you’re making me crazy.”

  I nod and, braver now, tell him, “What are waiting for? Touch my clit. Do those amazing little flicks you do that drive me crazy.”

  “Like this?”

  “Just like that.” He watches my face, loving my reactions as his fingers stroke me slowly, then quickly, then slowly again, in the center of my sexual core, so that I feel it in my toes, the tips of my fingers, the top of my head – everywhere. Holding onto his shoulders, my legs spread for him, his hand hidden beneath my skirt, I moan, bite my lip, smile and push one of my naked nipples toward his lips again. “Why’d you stop licking?” He shakes his head that he doesn’t know as his lips wrap around and suck. The combo of hitting both bases feels so delicious. I feel my pulse pounding like I have two heartbeats, one between my legs and the other behind my breasts, both controlled by him.

  I throw my head back, grab onto his head and pull his mouth harder onto my tits. Abandoning myself, I throw my leg up on the chair to open more to his masterful fingers. I’d crack wide open for him if I could! I feel him moan against my tit and then surprisingly, I am lifted up by my ass, as he pulls me up, so that I’m riding him like a frontwards piggyback. I hook both legs around his neck and he groans and pushes my ass up in the air where he buries his face in my pussy and makes me scream. Grabbing onto his head, bent over him, I feel his tongue dart and lunge inside the slit of me, teasing my clit and then penetrating me as deeply as it can reach.

  I scream out again and this time say his name, “Oh Josh!” as he alternates lapping and nibbling, teasing me. I beg him not to stop, tell him I’m almost there. Just a little longer. Yes. Just like that. Just like that, please don’t stop! I scream out again knowing I’m about to cum any second as his tongue lunges insides me over and over, sending me over the edge. I can’t even see the room anymore, with every slamming punch of the pulsing orgasm he’s charging into me. His mouth rips through my senses. I move against it, shamelessly, rubbing myself against it, feeling the orgasm freely. My body jerks and I clasp harder onto him, his fingers press deeper into the flesh of my ass to hold me up and push my pussy harder against his open mouth. He nuzzles me with his lips, applying enough pressure to ensure I don’t get over-stimulated, knowing that I can’t take too much when it’s ripped through me this hard.

  I murmur and collapse forward, “Wow… I mean, really… wow oh wow,” holding onto his head weakly. He moves his arms to my lower back and lowers me onto the chair, looking at me like the proudest man on the planet. This man and I? We don’t just fuck. We fucking make love, and it is incredible. I close my eyes and rest, not needing anything except maybe a juicy burger and some really salty fries.

  “I said…I think we should move in together.”

  Wait. What? I peek at him through half-closed lids. “Excuse me?”

  “I think we should move in together. I don’
t want to live apart from you anymore.” He stands and walks to where there’s a picture of my besties and me on the night Nicole had her first big exhibit. He picks it up and sets it down again to look at me.

  I sit up, feeling groggy. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Really.” He sits on the edge of my desk. I can see he’s feeling vulnerable, hence the walk around while I’m half-clothed and delirious. So sweet. And so much for wondering if he had ambition in this relationship.

  I smile and when he smiles back, it turns mine into a grin. “Okay.”

  “Okay?!” His face is so happy.

  “Okay!” I bounce out of my chair to give him a kiss.

  “I said I was here to surprise you,” he winks.

  “That you did! Oh my gosh, really? This is so exciting! Oh. You taste like me.”

  He laughs. “So I taste like heaven, then. Where are your clothes, Ms. Powerful?”

  Playfully smacking him on the shoulder I kiss him again as he takes my hand. “So when do you want to do this?” I ask.

  “How’s your weekend looking?”

  My face falls. “This weekend? I’ve got this big project...”

  “Ha. I’m kidding! I was thinking the start of the new month, which gives us two weeks. Tell the landlords. Give at least a little notice. Hire movers. I’ll handle hiring movers and stuff like that so you can take care of your big project.” He kisses me.

  We separate and I say excitedly. “Oooooh…I love the idea of movers! I’ve never used movers before!”

  He laughs at my enthusiasm. “Then movers you will have. We’ll talk about it more over dinner. Sound good?”

  I grin and nod, “So good!!”

  “Oh, you didn’t tell me. What project are you working on?”

  “The new Spike Jonze film,” I answer with a grin, forgetting who I’m talking to in all the excitement.

  “Spike Jonze? Adaptation Spike Jonze? Being John Malkovich Spike Jonze?”

  “Uh… yeah. It’s my first feature with him.”

  “Well, he doesn’t do TV, so of course it’s a feature film,” he exclaims. From the awestruck look on his face, I realize I’m in trouble.

  “You know a lot about him…” I say, lamely.

  “Who doesn’t? His films are ground breaking. The guy is a phenomenal talent. Wow, Amber. I can’t believe he hired you.”

  My hackles rise. “Why wouldn’t he hire me? I work really hard, Josh. And I’m good at what I do.”

  He reaches out and pulls me in. “Baby, no no no…I didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant it’s an incredible opportunity,” he says and gets thoughtful. I can see his mind working. Oh Josh… please don’t ask me to call you in for this. Please. “How far are you into casting?” Shit.

  Do I tell him we just started? The devil on my shoulder screams, never combine work with a new relationship! “Far. Just have a couple women’s parts to do left.” Oh my God. Did I just lie like that? Am I a liar?

  His face falls and my heart breaks at his expression. “Oh.”

  I say, “Yeah…” feeling so awful.

  He shrugs, nods, steps away from me and walks through the office to the front door.

  I follow him, anxiety building in my chest. “Are you leaving?”

  He turns, surprised. “Yeah. We’re going to celebrate. This is a big day. My baby and I are moving in together.” He smiles, failing to hide his disappointment.

  “Oh.” My head is spinning with guilt. I blink at him. He smiles at me in such a way that I realize I’m topless. I look down and cover my breasts. “I should put some clothes on.”

  He grins, jogs over, grabs me and says, “Nah. I like you like this.” He swings me around once and kisses me before setting me down. If a girl can be an asshole, then I am one.

  “Woo. Dizzy. Just give me a minute, baby.” He lets go of me, shoves his hands in his pockets. I turn to get my things, back in my office. Struggling to reach for my blouse on the high shelf it landed on, I see it’s touching the book The Liars Club by Mary Carr. The title appears to expand and vibrate, mocking me. I jump back down and as I put on my blouse and right my entire wardrobe, the shame deepens because the devil chimes in again telling me to suggest we celebrate another time, so I can work. You were supposed to work late, remember? The devil – let’s call her The Feminist Revolution – is so loud that I have to say, “No!” out loud to shut her up.

  “What?” Josh calls over.

  “What? Oh. Nothing!” I shut down the computer, turn off the lights. Amber Monroe Casting will just have to open early tomorrow. I’ll come in around dawn. Tonight is his.

  “I’m ready!” I quicken my walk, reaching for my purse. “Ready?”

  “You look adorable.”

  “Oh, thank you.”

  “Where do you want to eat?”

  “Um, You pick. Doesn’t matter…” I force the corners of my mouth up more. He holds the door open for me and then moves over so I can lock up.

  “Doesn’t matter, huh?”

  “Nope.” It’s true. It doesn’t matter where we eat. My appetite left with the arrival of my lie.

  The Night Before The Move-In

  “Why couldn’t she make it?” I ask Jessica while David gives the bartender a credit card so we can go to our table.

  “She said she didn’t want to be a fifth wheel,” Jess grabs her clutch purse, frowns and throws me a sideways glance.

  “That’s ridiculous. She knows all of us – and we all love her. What the fuck?” Nicole can get moody sometimes. “Artists. I swear…”

  “Amber, you haven’t been single for as long as she has. It’s not easy. Right before Josh, you had Don, and before him…” A guy bumps into me. Jessica calls after him, “Hey! Watch it! Lady with a baby!”

  I hit her and she starts laughing, but Josh twists around and has genuine fear in his eyes. “She’s kidding. I’m not…” His shoulders relax and David smirks as he signs the tab, leaving the normal hefty tip.

  Jess and I turn and follow the hostess who’s been waiting impatiently – it’s a busy restaurant – and to Jess I whisper, “Did he have to be so freaked out by the idea?”

  “He was freaked out by the alcohol,” she corrects me.

  “Oh, right.” I take a sip of it. “Why do I always go to the negative?”

  “You don’t. You’re just…”

  “Careful.”

  “Exactly.”

  “And you’re full of shit.”

  Jessica laughs hard and nods, “Right?”

  “Totes.”

  She and I sit across from each other at the table, our guys beside us, as the hostess hands us each a menu. She places the wine list in the middle and says the waiter will be right with us. As soon as she leaves, Josh announces, to my surprise, “Dinner is on me, by the way.”

  “Yeah? Why is that?” David asks.

  “Booked a national commercial.” Josh answers proudly and they high five across the table as Jess claps.

  I throw my arms around him “Oh my God. That’s so great!” and he kisses me, his chest all puffed up and rightly so. Eleven to seventeen hundred actors are submitted per role for a commercial. To book one is an achievement!

  He says to everyone, but mostly to me, “Perfect timing, huh? It’s like I got a gift from the gods for moving in with my girl,” which makes me so proud and happy. Jess grins at us.

  “Well done, man. On you then! I’m starving,” David says. “I want to order soon, if that’s okay with you guys.”

  “Me too, so hungry,” Jess says, dutifully opening and scanning the menu to hurry her choice.

  Some random gorgeous woman – of which there are many in Manhattan – saunters by and I see what Jess doesn’t; David watching the tall brunette’s ass for longer than is polite. My eyes twitch, but I let it go. He looks at me and smiles like it’s nothing. It’s probably nothing. Guys look. I know this. I just hate it. The thing is… Josh doesn’t look. It’s like he became blind to other women after we met. I feel com
pletely and totally secure with his loyalty towards me. David? Well, David has given me eye-twitches on more than one occasion. But I’m probably being overly protective of my girl.

  Looking at the menus, we take turns commenting. “The prawns look amazing.” “Interesting that they use garbanzo beans.” “Who came up with the word ‘garbanzo?’” and “Should we order a bottle of red or white to go with the meal?” “Sure, white.” “Crab cakes appetizer?” “Yes!” “So good.”

  Decisions made and menus closed, David reverts the subject back to our exciting news, “I can’t believe you guys aren’t home packing tonight.”

  “Nah.” Josh says, “We hired movers.”

  “Yeah,” I add, “We’ll be unpacking.”

  “Unpacking is the funnest part!” Jess smiles.

  David nods, “It is. We had a lot of fun with unpacking.” Jess giggles and it’s clear what kind of fun they had.

  “We’re going to have more fun than you guys had,” Josh challenges.

  “I doubt that you could,” David retorts and Jess kisses his cheek.

  “Amber!”

  Smiling, we all look up to see Jake Lombardi standing above us, looking at me. My smile vanishes just like that. He spots Josh and says, “Josh! Holy crap! Hey buddy. How’s it hanging?”

  Jake knows Josh? And Jake is here? I say nothing as my Josh half-stands to shake my ex-lover’s hand, and sits back down. Josh answers, less than jovially, “Hanging to the left, man. Hanging to the left. Long time. How the hell are ya?” He doesn’t like the way Jake just looked at me, and he takes my hand possessively. I throw a look to Jess, who knows exactly who Jake is.

  “I’m great, man, great. And wow, Amber. You look amazing,” Jake stud-smirks, mentally undressing me in front of everyone.

  Beads of fear-sweat form between my breasts as I choke out, “Thanks.” Josh’s eyes cloud over. Jess and I stare at each other, helpless. Although she knows about my super hot affair with Jake, she doesn’t know I had him audition for my film a couple weeks ago, and that he did well, and is called back to see the director and producers this coming Monday. She also doesn’t know I lied to Josh about the auditions. Nicole doesn’t, either. I’ve been sitting with my guilt haunting me all on my own. I’m terrified they’ll hate me.